Angst Angst Angst

CAUTION: The contents of this post are hot, gooey, a bit odd and very pointless.

Anyway, some of my friends still annoy me to no end. To be honest they have been acting a tad bit better since I told them they'd been out of order but on the whole eh... I honestly doubt things will ever go back to what they were like prior to summer. Of course with us finishing school and then joining different colleges I honestly don't think it even matters much.

To clear things up a bit I'm not annoyed with a large number of people. It's just my 'close' friends really. A lot of changes took place over summer and a few in the months following. What set these off is a different story, one which I honestly have no intention of delving into any time soon. Back on topic though, over summer I felt that I had started to grow apart from my friends and in the months that followed the feeling just kept growing.

It was a well awkward situation. I was still very mopey and not really myself at all and my friends, well, they didn't have time for me at all. This reminds me of an episode of 'Unfabulous' where Addie (Emma Roberts!! <3) had just started dating some guy due to which she pretty much stopped talking to her friends. Her friends got annoyed by the way she was acting and then pretty much started ignoring her which in effect makes her realize that she has to balance out her time between all her relationships and not just concentrate on one. Then she sang a song about how life was a balancing act... uh... yeah... um... right...

So well anyway, the point is that I felt my friends were ignoring me and ultimately I just got fed up. I pretty much just told them that here's the deal, either you can stop acting like I'm furniture or that's the end of that. That seemed to be a bit of a blow to my 'best' friend who wasn't willing to accept that there was anything wrong between us. Things were weird for a while but soon enough the status quo was restored. However it all felt a bit hollow to me. I felt that it was meh that I had to push my friends into paying attention to me in the first place especially when there were plenty of other people who I could talk to who you know, actually spoke back and sometimes even started a conversation on their own!

Oh, hey and then I remember something that Diya said. Really, she did herself no favours by deciding to talk to me again. Anyway, I had told Diya about how my friends were acting and she told me that I had no right to expect any attention from them since they had girlfriends. Honestly Diya, you're a twit. =/

Sanju and I spend a healthy amount of time together and still manage to find ample time for our friends. This has led me to believe that my friends don't actually want to spend time with me so there you go. I've already told them once and this time around I'm not going to bother. I've been hanging out with other people lately anyway and that's nice.

You know what the nicest bit is though? I'm now spending time with people who actually call back when they say they will and don't just use that as an excuse to get off the phone with you. I'm now spending time with people who actually do enjoy spending time with me and don't just turn my way when their boyfriend/girlfriend is busy.

That last line reminded me of another incident that took place back in late September or early October. I hadn't been to school for a few days due to high fever and I think it was my third day of absence when one of my 'close' friends finally decides to check up on me and that too just over MSN. Anyway, she said that she missed me today and so did my 'best' friend. Then she added that her boyfriend and his girlfriend had spent the recess with the teachers clearing up doubts which is why they wished I was there to, as she put it, "entertain" them.

Anyway, that's all said and done. No point in regretting whats happened and now I'm convinced that theres nothing to fix because nothings really broken. This time around I'll just let go and spend my time away from them, with other people. Honestly, I was depressed (for reasons we shan't go into) for a really long while and except for some time initially none of them really tried to pep me up. I lost a lot of confidence and self belief... it was just bleh... and then I started spending time with people who made me happy. It really helped getting me back on my feet.

Man, it felt good to vent. This has all been in me for quite a while now and it feels good to let it out! ^_^

Well, I reckon my other posts would be of a more lighter tone but this was one topic that needed immediate attention.

To all those who read to the end, thank you for your attention. To all those who skipped to the end please go die in some smelly hole.

Peace! =)
KD